Finally today my life changed. With this post, on this day, closed down my past in my life to start my real life. The occasion of my time has come after so much hard work, sacrifice, suffering emotional, physical, disease and false intentions.
The selection of the July 25 to get into acting school is successful, has been positive, I took ....
There will be more publications of designs or works of visual art because my chance has finally arrived: I left it all to follow my heart, what I've always really loved and not my mind ... I won a scholarship to an Academy of Dramatic Arts as my true love has always been that of acting, theater, cinema, dance and song, but fate had always been strangely at me, maybe because I myself, in my extreme sensitivity, I was at the mercy of the waves of life and as a litmus test capable of transforming everything into art, all of infinity for me was an expression of infinite ...
But now my heart is finally free, and the Corps are now praising the Liberty never found and tested ... now, I can express to the world for who they really are: an actor. When
months ago, devastated and disappointed by the work at the factory decided to take up drawing, I was solely motivated by the thought that perhaps that of competition would be a good opportunity to get out of the abyss of mediocrity and confusion in which I was to finally find a condition of economic stability and serenity ... But the money does not bring happiness and in my heart I knew it was not the thing I loved to do, running away from a situation of oppression, I seek refuge in another forgetting my true love of acting ...
But the factory was losing even more myself, and the fear of many years of depression, anxiety and sadness always knocking on the door, like a dark shadow about to steal my soul ...
Actually my thought is and always has been that of one day being able to act, to do just that in life, perchè quella E' la mia Vita. La recitazione è stata sempre per me l'unico pensiero, l'unica mia vera passione e speravo finalmente il giorno in cui venisse la mia grande occasione per esprimere davvero la mia Anima.
Ma i giorni passavano monotoni, divorando ogni barlume di creatività e d'immaginazione.
La fatica e la stanchezza erano sempre accompagnate dalla sensazione insopportabile d'incompletezza e fallimento in ogni ambito della Vita.
L'occasione che il concorso d'illustrazione mi offriva era uno splendido modo per avere dopo tanti mesi dei momenti di silenzio e di tranquillità, per trovare nuovamente la chiarezza dei miei pensieri e dei miei obiettivi, per recuperare le forze fisiche e mentali e per scrollarmi di dosso all that noise, that noise, what was that nonsense was the experience factory (an experience that taught me so much, however, not disdain, and even thank you for this and other reasons).
course, had made me financially independent and for the first time in my life I felt the opportunity to reveal to the world the power and strength of support and be able to say with pride: "Look I'm a man, I will manage ... "
But the soul has never ceased to be heard, the heart is aching, screaming in the mangled bodies of their total inability to manage all this irresponsibility and failure and unfounded strength or weakness, fatigue with the same vitality and mutability and volatility an ever-changing sky and capricious ... I'm an actor because the body and mind, everything in me sudditti are loyal and devoted of the one true ruler of my essence, my Heart ...
Sometimes I would just cry, sometimes just cry, laugh, cry or just be silent ... All this served to me as a litmus test for me, leading, as it had always been, the same body to dance to the music of feelings and emotions ... Moreover
my only big mistake was merely to give greater importance and predominance of the mind, that is, things like design, rather than follow the only path that would give me reason and purpose, strength and vitality, ' only path that can essere seguita, quella del Cuore, e per me la strada della recitazione, del canto e della danza...
Ma forse doveva andare così nella mia Vita, non so perchè così tante rinunce.
Fin da bambino le mie ripetute e vane richieste di frequentare palestre di arti marziali, di danza, scuole di recitazione e di musica furono sempre palesemente e pervicacemente rifiutate, spesso per motivi finanziari...
Ed un bambino, un piccolo ed incosciente bambino che ha in se il germe dell'arte, che possiede la passione e la voglia di esprimersi, dotato e capace in molti talenti e che si vede sempre rifiutare le proprie aspirazioni ed aspettative non può fare altro che ripiegare nel male minore, in ciò che meno lo fa soffrire, ed anche se non è appieno ciò che il Cuore gli comanda, lui comunque tenta di trarre da un foglio e da una matita la mancanza di ogni sua necessità corporea ed espressiva, anche se in effetti lo stare seduti ore ed ore non è la maniera più consona e corretta per compensare il desiderio di scoperta e d'incanto che può esprimersi unicamente attraverso il movimento, la parola ed il canto....
Posso istantaneamente ricordare ogni rifiuto, in un elenco lungo e particolareggiato che però risulterebbe noioso e prolisso e non sarebbe affatto davvero esaustivo per ciò che sono le mie intenzioni di voler spiegare il mio lungo travaglio e la mia lunga e decennale agonia interiore.
A volte penso che tutto questo l'abbia voluto io stesso, per learn what was really suffering, renunciation, failing that, the torment of the Heart, the need of the Spirit, the need for the Soul.
understand that not all food comes in as usual and ordinary ... Although I have never missed a meal, or a dress that I have always suffered another kind of hunger, another type of lack of vitality, fatigue, sadness or depression perennial inexplicable ...
This was the living manifestation, concrete and obvious lack of real purpose of my soul needs, spiritual and physiological express myself as an actor.
Now I feel free, pure and alive as I've never been, and farewell ...
This blog ends here, there will be altri utilizzi ne pubblicazioni e per si chi fosse mai interessato a tutto questo, rimarranno solo i lontani retaggi di una delle mie tante doti e talenti, epitaffio silenzioso di una vita che fu...
Quindi a tutti gli altri dico, non rompetemi i coglioni .... SONO UN ATTORE e su questo non si discute più!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
